Pet medicine portal

Alternative/natural medicine? Does anyone know about holoistic medicine for pets? I am comparing vet medicince to alternative/natural medicine. Are there any good sites to look at? What I'm really looking for is the key points why it is better or worse, just comparison.

Does anyone know if there is any resources out there for natural alternative herbal treatments for animals? Not a big fan of Western Medicine as is more of a bandage solution and know that there are allot of herbs that are helpful to humans that can replace addictive medications. Is there anyone who has written a book or has a webpage regarding natural options for pets? Thanks Tereka

my dogs are itchy, are there any alternatives besides the usual medicine.? im looking for alternative possibly natural ways besides the usual medicine where possible to help my dogs.i have taken my pets to the vet and i explained everything to then, how my dogs have been behaving and everything and tests and everything came out negative i guess. the papers say everything is normal and i paid $350.00 for them to tell me everything is normal. Things are far from normal, theyre still itchy, its actually gotten worse and now my dogs have scabs and patches of no hair. i dont know if this is coinsidence but i have bumps all over my body im so itchy too and i dont know if its cuz im allergic to them but it seems we have the same thing. my dogs also have red bumps but the vets said it was nothing. first it was the ear that was irritating them and now its everything. my dogs slide their face against the floor and sort of make a crying sound when they itch. does anyone know any natural way of helping and curing them. what kind of oatmeal. all the things i should use i dont know where to get. just regular oatmeal that some people eat for breakfast just with no flavor? also my dogs are yorkie and a maltese

Good books on natural health for dogs?? I have been reading "the nature of animal healing" by Martin Goldstein and have been learning a lot. I like the book and like any other book I don't agree with everything but it is a good start on becoming more educated so I can ask my vet more questions. I am very concerned about what my dogs eat and the vaccinations and medicine they get. I like the way he worte the book because he doesn't suggest that all medicine and pet foods are bad just that some are and vaccines are over used and while some are needed why every year for the life of the dog? I learned a lot about "ingredients" in pet food and just so much from this book I would like to read more but yes I still plan to take my dogs to the vet when they are ill. I just want to be able to ask what are you giving my dog and make more informed choices about what they are given. I am sure there are people around here who have good suggestions on books since I don't have a holistic vet in my area I want to work with my vet

place to buy natural dog collars? after changing my dogs food several times, keeoing him away from certain plants, treats, toys... I found out that my dogs skin problem is severe allergies. After a $400 vet bill I was sent home with shampoo, lotions, anti itch cream and medicine. I was told that my dog was allergic to several things including dyes in his collar and bedding. (he had scars and itchy spots on his neck and stomache). His skin is always very red and dry and itchy, but after getting these spots (scars and loosing hair) I took him in. Anyway my question: is there anywhere where I can buy all natural or dye free collar and pet stuff?

Anti-itch medication or natural treatment for cats? My sweet kitty Nellie got fleas from sitting near the door, where there's a crack under it. (She's an indoor kitty.) We took care of the fleas themselves, we gave her a collar, we sprayed her and used anti-flea stuff on the carpet, etc., but it's been a couple of weeks and she has a sore spot on her back from itching. It feels (under her fur) like a scab, and when we pet her on a certain spot, she tenses up, and if we do it too hard, she meows and even bites a little. Is there any good natural remedy or over-the-counter medicine we can put on her itchy spot? Thanks! We did use Advantage on her as well. There haven't been any more fleas, she just has an ouchy spot where she WAS scratching when she had them.

A question about using earmite medicine...? My cat has a mild case of earmites. I got medication to put in his ears. I have to sneak up on him to even get any of it near him. Then, I have to clean his ears out with a wipe & stuff. The problem is, he's such a spazz, I can't hold him down without being afraid he going to hurt himself or me. I've tried the cat in a pillowcase technique, and I've also tried the natural soothers they sell at pet stores. Any suggestions other than taking him to the vet would be GREATLY appreciated. A towel won't work unfortunately. My cat is a bengal. He has a good bit of muscle, and very sharp claws.

help:- regarding bird? hey people please help me , i need ur help , its regarding my pet love bird , its hurted badly , its leg is broken , i have taken him to vet , vet also gave some medicines , but its taking time to heal and the birds leg is paning also , does anybody here knows any good medicine or say natural medicines which can help the poor bird to get well soon , plz dont give harsh or bad answers , if u dont know its ok , thanks anyways , thanx 2 all who will reply

Is this the longest joke in the world?

is this THE only longest joke youve heard ?

I have terrible allergies (itchy nose, sneezing, congestion). Are there any natural ways to battle this? We've all but eliminated carpet in our house, and I know going with laminate floors has substantially cut down the dust and pet dander. (Yes, we have cats - but I won't give them up even if my nose itches off my face....) Benadryl helps but makes me so sleepy. Prescription medicines usually cause me other bad side effects - I would rather stick with the allergy. Ultimately I'm wondering if there's anything I can do naturally to help alleviate this curse: Dietary adjustments? More vitamins (Vitamin C helps a cold - does it help a stuffy nose due to allergies?) Switching to a certain type of vacuum cleaner or air purifier? It's been unseasonably warm, so alot of the junk (goldenrod, pollen) is still here that would normally have died out by now....this has been the most miserable year for allergy symptoms that I can recall. Apart from moving to Siberia, is there anything I can do that won't cause bad side effects but will help me become more resistant to allergens?

My dog is dying PLEASE HELP.? 4 days ago, my dog was up and running around. She is around 13 years old, a border collie, and is EXTREMELY active. 3 days ago, I woke up to find her lying on the ground. I called out her name sweetly, petted her, and gave her a treat. She didn't even wag her tail. I know that sounds odd for her not to do but trust me, she wags her tail ALL the time. I tried to coax her up to go to the bathroom, but she physically couldn't get up. You could tell she tried though because the whole time she was whimpering, trying to get up. I had to hand feed her and she ate which is good that she has an apetite. 2 days ago, I woke up to find her lying in her own urine. (please don't say that's gross because I find it heartbreaking). She was in the same condition that day except it smelled like fish. (urine) She wagged her tail a LITTLE BIT but not much. I really need to take her to the vet but I physically don't have the money. Is there anything natural (not medicine) I can give her? HELP

Has anyone ever tried vi-pro plus on a dog with distemper if so what was result? Vi-Pro Plus Natural and Effective Help for Canine Distemper and Viral Infections Use Vi-Pro Plus for Pets: As an oral homeopathic vaccine to immunize your dog against Canine Distemper and other viral infections To protect against Distemper infection during a known outbreak To treat active Canine Distemper under veterinarian supervision See Below To Purchase This Product Treatment | Testimonials | Ingredients | Dosage | Ask Us | FAQ's What is Canine Distemper and what are the symptoms? Canine distemper is a highly contagious, extremely serious viral disease which occurs in dogs and other wild canids (e.g.. foxes, wolves and coyotes), raccoons, skunks and ferrets. It is an airborne virus, which affects the respiratory, gastrointestinal, and central nervous system of the animal. Puppies between three and six months and elderly animals are particularly at risk. Symptoms grow increasingly severe as the disease progresses, they include: Conjunctivitis (a watery, pus-like eye discharge) and inflammation of the eye Fever Nasal discharge Pneumonia (Coughing and labored breathing)_ Lethargy Reduced appetite Vomiting Diarrhea Seizures Hyperesthesia (increased sensitivity to sensory stimuli, such as pain or touch) Muscle twitching Progressive deterioration of mental abilities and motor skills Complete or partial paralysis What is the conventional treatment? There is no doubt that Canine Distemper is a serious illness. According to conventional veterinarian treatment, about 50% of dogs that contract it will die. Those that survive will often be left with debilitating conditions like permanent digestive problems, neurological problems, seizure disorders, deformities of the paw pads, etc. According to conventional veterinarian science, Distemper 'cannot be cured' and treatment is supportive only. Vaccination programs against Canine Distemper have made this viral illness less common in recent times. However, holistic vets point out that there are serious concerns about the wisdom of routine vaccination and its long term effect on the health of pets. What are the alternatives? Homeopathic vets have managed to treat Canine Distemper far more successfully than their allopathic counterparts. Using Distemperinum in homeopathic potency, both immunization of dogs as well as recovery rates in infected animals has proved to be highly successful. There is a wealth of evidence that this is the case and one can only wonder why allopathic vets are not making use of and being trained in the use of homeopathic medicine for their patients. Dr Horace B.F. Jervis, a veterinarian who pioneered the use of Distemperinum published a monograph in 1929 called 'Treatment of Canine Distemper with the Potentized Virus' Dr Jervis reports his frustration over many failed attempts at treating Canine Distemper during years of conventional treatment in a veterinarian clinic. This lead him to turn away from conventional veterinarian science and to begin treating his patients using the principles of homeopathic medicine. After developing a homeopathic treatment for Distemper, Dr Jervis writes: "I became intensely interested in the subject and bent all my energies to the study of it. My results were, and are, so much beyond my expectations that I am sorry not to be able to interest more veterinarians to take it up and give it a trial. Anyone doing so, I venture to say, will never go back to the old school again...Since commencing the use of this product the death rate in my distemper ward has been very materially decreased, and I have really for the first time in my years of practice felt a sort of load being lifted from my shoulders." Similarly, Dr Dorothy Shepherd, in her book, "Homeopathy in Epidemic Diseases" notes: "Here again homeopathy offers the best solution. Believe me, it has been shown again and again that our medicines given intelligently and according to our law, do not only cure infectious diseases speedily and easily without the development of any complications, but they also prevent these same diseases. ....I therefore have no hesitation in stating that from my own experience and observation, the homeopathic preventives are much safer in use, and absolutely certain in their effects. Even should the infectious, disease develop, it will be in a much milder form" In the words of Dr Richard Pitcairn, D.V.M., Ph.D, and founder of the Animal Natural Health Center (ANHC): "Based on my clinical experience, I think I can safely say that protection with nosodes is as reliable as with vaccinations and with the added advantage of few unwelcome side effects." What is Vi-Pro Plus? Vi-Pro Plus combines a Distemperinum nosode in homeopathic dose with homeopathic Bryonia and an herbal preparation of Echinacea, providing powerful protection against Distemper as well as many other viral illnesses. Used preventatively to immunize your dog, or curatively under the treatment of a homeopathic vet, Vi-Pro Plus can mean the difference between life and death. 50ml See Below To Purchase This Product What are the ingredients of Vi-Pro Plus? PetAlive Vi-Pro Plus contains the following 100% herbal and homeopathic ingredients: Distemperinum C30 is a homeopathic nosode used both prophylactically (preventatively) and curatively in the treatment of Canine Distemper. Homeopathic nosodes are similar to vaccines in that they help to build protection and resistance against specific diseases. They differ to conventional vaccines in that they are usually manufactured from the products of diseases rather than from a culture of the disease agent or virus itself (as in many conventional vaccines.) Research by Dr Horace B. F. Jervis, a veterinarian that pioneered the use of Distemperinum, has demonstrated the high rate of success in the treatment and prevention of Canine Distemper using this homeopathic 'vaccine'. This is in contrast to conventional veterinarian science, which states that more than 50% of dogs who contract this virus will die and the remainder will be very severely compromised for the rest of their lives. Bryonia C6 is a proven homeopathic remedy which is very effective for the treatment of coughs and dry mucus membranes, as well as the clearing of mucus from the chest. Echinacea purpurea is one of the top selling herbs for the treatment of colds, flu and other viral infections. Clinical trials have proved its effectiveness in a variety of settings. Studies have shown that Echinacea works by preventing the formation of hyaluronidase - an enzyme that is known to break the cell barriers between healthy tissue and pathogenic organisms like viruses. This immune boosting herb has also been successfully used to restore immune functioning in patients who have undergone chemotherapy. Lactose (inactive ingredient) (PetAlive Vi-Pro Plus contains no gluten, artificial flavors, colors or preservatives) How has Vi-Pro helped others? "I am moved to write in and say that our family dog would probably not be with us today were it not for this remedy. When our usual vet diagnosed a very ill dog with Distemper things looked very serious and he thought so too. Under his supervision we used your remedy because others have worked very well and we have all been amazed at the quick recovery. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts." - Sandy. "Luckily our vet agrees with us about yearly vaccination unlike the previous one who wanted to vaccinate every year. Our puppy is taking your Vi-Pro for Distemper to protect her against distemper and other viruses and we are confident that it will be as successful as your other products have been, including your EasyTravel for car sickness!" - Graham "This product is fantastic - from ease of administration to effectiveness it gets 10/10 from me. I have used all your oral vaccination products for my dogs with great confidence and they remain healthy and disease free." - Brent. "Here's my story. I bought a dog from a breeder in kentucky I am in Louisiana. I could not drive to meet [him] , so I decided to have him sent via airplane... The next day he started to have a seizure it was very unnerving. The Vet did some blood work and other test. He determined that our brand new dog that we instantly fell in love with had distemper and would most likely die or not be normal for the rest of his life if we were lucky. We don't have alot of money and they were recomending very expensive treatments. We being the good loving people we are turned to God in this circumstance. We searched for answers online, and by praying nonstop. Finally my mom who is a diehard holistic medicine believer turn us on to the thought of a natural cure. So, I searched and it did not take long. I found this site and was skeptical, because I am by nature. Well needless to say It came in the mail very fast. Then we begain treating him. Nothing happened at first, same old seizures 5 to ten times a day. Then one day he we woke up to him being more active... Now I am happy and blessed to say we have a wonderful healthy almost 1 year old puppy. He has made a full recovery... He brings much happiness to our home, and I truly feel this medicine had a part in that. God bless Native Remedies." - Richard M, LA "My dog was diagnosed with distemper. She became deathly ill! She wouldn't eat, or drink. Thinking I had done everything possible to save her, my last attempt was Vi-pro Plus. After just a few doses I saw the effect it made. She gradually got better and better. Without a doubt; Vi-pro plus saved her life. Thank you so much for saving my dogs life! She is happy, and full of life again." - Paige, Oklahoma Add Your Own Testimonial See Below To Purchase This Product How do we use Vi-Pro Plus? Vi-Pro Plus in convenient dissolvable granule form. The tiny granules are easy to administer to dogs of all sizes and personalities and are simply sprinkled on the back of the tongue and left to dissolve. No fuss and bother! Small to medium dogs: Two pinches sprinkled into the mouth. Medium to large dogs: 1/4 cap of granules sprinkled into the mouth. Preventative: Vi-Pro Plus may be given for up to a week at 3 - 6 month intervals for the prevention of Canine Distemper. Should a known case of Distemper occur in your area, even if your dog has not been exposed to the infected animal, repeat the dose for 7 days. Acute: Administer every hour until symptoms subside. Thereafter administer three times daily for up to 21 days. CAUTION: Please remember that Canine Distemper is a serious illness and it is recommended that any dog with an acute outbreak should be taken to a holistic or homeopathic vet to monitor treatment. Home treatment of acute Distemper is not advised and Vi-Pro Plus should be used under the supervision of a holistic or homeopathic vet for cases of active Distemper infections. How long until we see results? When Vi-Pro Plus is taken prophylactically (preventatively) your dog should stay free of Distemper infection. For dogs who have contracted Distemper, treatment with Vi-Pro Plus under veterinarian supervision is recommended. Under these circumstances and with the appropriate supportive homeopathic treatment, recovery rates are good and most dogs will begin to show improvement within a few days. How long does one bottle last? One bottle of Vi-Pro Plus will last for 15 - 30 days, depending on the size and needs of your pet. A 45-90 day supply of 3 bottles is offered at a discount see the Buy 2 Get 1 FREE special below. What else can I do help my pet? Avoid contact with raccoons, foxes, skunks and other potentially infected wildlife if possible Ensure your pet is eating a balanced, high quality diet with plenty of raw and unprocessed food (preferably organic). Use Immunity and Liver Support capsules to boost your pet's immune functioning and resistance against disease and infection Avoid exposure to toxins and chemicals as much as possible including pesticides, herbicides, commercial flea collars, flea powder, insecticides and second-hand cigarette smoke. Talk to a holistic vet before immunizing your pet. Over-vaccination may stress the immune system unnecessarily. Regular exercise will help to keep your pet healthy and fit. Vi-Pro Plus is manufactured according to the highest pharmaceutical standards. Individual ingredients are well-researched, natural, safe and effective. Vi-Pro Plus is backed by our one year money-back guarantee so your pet can experience relief risk-free. To order online using our secure server please select below. Most orders are shipped the same day. (Normal Retail Price - $63.95) Your Price $49.95 Plus Shipping & Handling Normal Shipping within the U.S.A. is $5.99 for the first item and only $1 additional per extra item. To see all shipping options (overnight, international) see our shipping policy International Customers - Expedited Shipping! We can ship anywhere in the world (UK, Australia, Japan, etc.) within 3-5 business days! Use our currency converter tool. Vi-Pro Plus Capsules (60) 15 day supply $49.95 +S&H $99.90 +S&H Vi-Pro Plus + LiverAid: Effective help for pet distemper with improved liver and pancreatic functioning (one of each). $68.95 +S&H Vi-Pro Plus + Energy Tonic: Effectively treat and prevent distemper while improving vitality and well-being (one of each). $75.95 +S&H Or, call our Toll Free line at 1-877-289-1235 (Outside U.S. +1 (253) 620-4542) where our friendly customer service representatives will gladly take your order. The dog has been diagnosed with distemper by a vet and is under vet care I am calling her about this product tomorrow to see what she thinks about it I just wanted to know if anyone else has heard of it I'm at the point were I will try about anything to save my dog Squidword I just hate seeing him this way. So please tell me what you think of this product and if you think it is worth a try.

With all the recalls I thought I would share:? this is an actual research page I found when working for a home vet and she loved it so much that she put it on her page..read it with an open mind...and think...here is her page also if you are interested..http://www.carinrennings.com (Don't read if you have a weak stomach) What's Really for Dinner? The Truth About Commercial Pet Food, by Tina Perry Cow brains. Sheep guts. Chicken heads. Road kill. Rancid grain. These are a few of the so-called nutritionally balanced ingredients found in the commercial pet food served to companion animals every day. More than 95 percent of US companion animals derive their nutritional needs from a single source: processed pet food. When people think of pet food, many envision whole chickens, choice cuts of beef, fresh grains, and all the nutrition that a dog or cat may ever need -- images that pet food manufacturers promote in their advertisements. What these companies do not reveal is that instead of whole chickens they have substituted chicken heads, feet, and intestines. Those choice cuts of beef are really cow brains, tongues, esophagi, fetal tissue dangerously high in hormones, and possibly diseased and even cancerous meat. Those whole grains have had the starch removed for corn starch powder and the oil extracted for corn oil, or they are hulls and other remnants from the milling process. Grains used that are truly whole have usually been deemed unfit for human consumption because of mold, contaminants, poor quality, or poor handling practices. Pet food is one of the world’s most synthetic edible products, containing virtually no whole ingredients. Pet food manufacturers have become masters at inducing companion animals to eat things cat and dogs would normally spurn. Pet food scientists have learned that it's possible to take a mixture of inedible scraps, fortify it with artificial vitamins and minerals, preserve it so that it can sit on the shelf for more than a year, add dyes to make it attractive, and then extrude it into whimsical shapes that appeal to the human consumer. For this, pet food companies can expect to earn $9 billion in sales in 1996. Scraps and Byproducts For years, many care givers have tried to avoid feeding their companion animals people food leftovers, having been warned by veterinarians about the heath problems they can cause. Yet much scrap material from the human food industry is ending up in dogs and cat’s dinner bowls. What the consumer purchases and what the manufacturer advertises are often two entirely different products, and this difference threatens the animals healthy, especially as they age. Learning to read ingredient labels and taking the time to read them carefully is crucial to making an educated choice when purchasing pet food. Ingredients are listed in descending order of weight (heaviest first) under standards established by the Center for Veterinary Medicine for the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The name of the product (in most states) is dictated by the regulations of the American Association of Feed Control Officials (AAFCO). The trouble is, AAFCO standards can lead to deceptive product names due to the weight and volume variations between wet and dry ingredients. Also, the average consumer has no idea what the definitions for the listed ingredients mean. Preservatives, vitamins, minerals, flavorings, and cereal make up most of what the companion animal eats. It is not happenstance that four of the top five major pet food companies in the United States are subsidiaries of major multinational food production companies: Colgate Palmolive (which produces Hills Science Diet), Heinz, Nestle, and Mars )see The Corporate Connection). From a business standpoint, multi-national food companies owning pet food manufacturers is an ideal relationship. The multinationals have captive market in which to dump their waste products, and the pet food manufacturers have a direct source of bulk materials. Both make a profit from selling scraps that originate from places far worse than the dinner table. In his 1986 book Pet Allergies veterinarian Al Plechner sums up what goes into companion animals food: Condemned parts and animals rejected for human consumption are routinely rerouted for commercial pet foods. A similar fate applies to so-called 4-D animals. These are food animals picked up dead, or that are dying, diseased, or disabled, and do not meet human-food qualifications. They are processed straightaway for companion animal consumption. Little goes to waste. Says Plechner, Food processing refuse of all sorts winds up in your animals dinner bowls. Moldy grains. Rancid foods. Meat meal. The latter is ground-up slaughterhouse discards often containing disease-ridden tissue and high levels of hormones and pesticides, the very things that may have contributed to the death of the steer or hog. A decade later, his words still apply. When cattle, swine, chickens, lambs, or other animals meet their ends at a slaughterhouse, the choice cuts -- lean muscle tissue and organs prized by humans -- are trimmed away from the carcass for human consumption. Whatever remains of the carcass (bones, blood, pus, intestines, ligaments, subcutaneous fat, hooves, horns, beaks, and any other parts not normally consumed by humans) is, according to the pet food industry, perfectly fit as a protein source for cat and dog food. The Pet Food Institute, the trade association of pet food manufacturers, acknowledges in its 1994 Fact Sheet the importance of using byproducts in pet foods as additional income for processors and farmers. The purchase and use of these ingredients by the pet food industry not only provides nutritional foods for pets at reasonable costs, but provides an important source of income to American farmers and processors of meat, poultry, and seafood products for human consumption. Many of these remnants are indigestible and provide a questionable source of nutrition. The amount of nutrition provided by meat byproducts, meals, and digests varies from vat to vat of this animal protein soup. A vat filled with chicken feet, beaks, and viscera is going to make available a lower amount of protein than a vat of breast meat. James Morris and Quinton Rogers, professors with Department of Molecular Biosciences at the University of California at Davis Veterinary School of Medicine, assert that there is virtually no information on the bio-availability of nutrients for companion animals in many of the common dietary ingredients used in pet foods. These ingredients are generally byproducts of the meat, poultry and fishing industries, with the potential for wide variation in nutrient composition. Claims of nutritional adequacy of pet foods based on the current AAFCO nutrient allowances (profiles) do not give assurances of nutritional adequacy and will not until ingredients are analyzed and bioavailability values are incorporated. Meat byproducts, the catch-all term of the pet food industry, is a misnomer because these byproducts contain little if any meat. Byproducts contain little if any meat. Byproduct are animal parts leftover after the meat has been stripped from the bone. Chicken byproducts include heads, feet, entrails, lungs, spleens, kidneys, brains, livers, stomachs, noses, blood, and intestines free of their contents. What the pet food manufactures fail to mention is that most byproducts, digests and meals are also filled with other substances, such as cancerous tissue cut from the carcass, plastic foam packaging containing spoiled meat from supermarkets, ear tags, spoiled slaughterhouse meat, road kill, and pieces of downer animals. Canned Cannibalism Another source of meat that isn't mentioned on pet food labels is pet byproducts, the bodies of dogs and cats. In 1990 the San Francisco Chronicle reported that euthanized companion animals were found in pet foods. Although pet food company executives and the National Renderers Association vehemently denied the report, the American Veterinary Medical Association and the FDA confirmed the story. The pets serve a viable purpose by providing foodstuff for the animal feed chain, said Lea McGovern, chief of the FDA's animal feed safety branch. Because of the sheer volume of animals rendered and the similarity in protein content between poultry byproducts and processed dogs and cats, rendering plant workers say it would be impossible for purchasers to know the exact contents of what they buy. In fact, Sacramento Rendering cited by inspectors five times in the past two years for product-labeling violations. Grease and Grain The most nutritious dry pet food is no better than the worst if animals will not eat it. Pet food scientists have discovered that spraying the kibble or pellets with a combination of refined animal fat, lard, kitchen grease, and other oils too rancid or deemed inedible for humans makes an otherwise bland or distasteful product palatable. Animal fat is mainly packing house waste or supermarket trimmings from the packaging of meats. Animals love the taste of this sprayed fat, which also acts as a binding agent to which manufacturers may add other flavor enhancers. The pungent odor wafting from an open bag of pet food is created by this concoction. Restaurant grease has become a major component of feed-grade animal fat over the last 15 years. Often held in 50-gallon drums for weeks or months in extreme temperatures, this grease is usually kelp outside with no regard for its safety or further use. The rancid grease is then picked up by fat blenders who mix the animal and vegetable fats together, stabilize them with powerful antioxidants to prevent further spoilage, and then sell the blended products to pet food companies. Rancid, heavily preserved fats are extremely difficult to digest and can lead to a host of animal health problems, including digestive upsets, diarrhea, gas, and bad breath. Once considered filler by the pet food industry, the amount of grain products included in pet food has risen over the last decade as the American population has focused its attention away from consuming beef and toward a healthier diet of grains and vegetables. Commonly two of the top three pet food ingredients are some form of grain products. For instance, Alpo's Beef Flavored Dinner lists ground yellow corn, soybean meal, and poultry byproduct meal as its top three ingredients. 9 Lives Crunchy Meals lists ground yellow corn, corn gluten meal, and poultry byproduct meal as its top three ingredients. Of the top four ingredients of Purina's O.N.E. Dog Formula -- chicken, ground yellow corn, ground wheat, and corn gluten meal -- two are corn-based products from the same source. This is an industry practice known as splitting. When components of the same whole ingredient are listed separately (ground yellow corn and corn gluten meal) it appears that there is less corn than chicken, even when the whole ingredient may weigh more than the chicken. Soy is another common ingredient in many pet foods. It is used by the manufacturers to boost the claimed protein content and add bulk so that when animals eat a product containing soy they will fell more sated. Tofu is suitable for humans, but most forms of soybean do not agree with a dog or cat's digestive system. Like many other pet food ingredients, soy is virtually unusable by an animal's body. Being obligate carnivores, cats have little ability to digest any nutrients from soy. The problem is worse for dogs because they lack the essential amino acid to digest soy products. Soy has also been linked to bloat and gas in many dogs. Additives and Processing Pet food industry critics note that many of the ingredients (such as corn syrup and corn gluten meal) used as humectants to prevent oxidation also bind water molecules in such a way that the food actually sticks to the animal's colon and may cause blockage. Blockage of the colon may cause an increased risk of cancer of the colon or rectum. Two-thirds of the pet food manufactured in the United States contains synthetic preservatives added by the manufacturer. Of the remaining third, 90 percent includes ingredients already stabilized by synthetic preservatives. Because most pet food contains large percentages of added fat, a stabilizer is needed to maintain the quality of the food. Sodium nitrite, often used as a coloring agent, fixative, and preservative, has the ability to combine with natural stomach and food chemicals (secondary amends) to create nitrosamines, powerful cancer-causing agents, according to A Consumer's Dictionary of Food Additives. Many pet foods advertised as preservative-free do not contain preservatives. Almost all rendered meats have synthetic preservatives added as stabilizer, but manufacturers aren't required to list preservatives they themselves haven't added. Premixed vitamin additives can also contain preservatives. In the 1003 Journal of the American Veterinary Medical Association, veterinarian Philip Roudebush reported finding low concentrations of synthetic antioxidant preservatives in all analyzed samples of products labeled as chemical free or all-natural. Other types of additives depend on whether the pet food is semi-moist, dry or canned. Because semi-moist food contains 25-50 percent water, antimicrobial preservatives must be used. Propylene glycol was frequently used in cat food until it was pulled in 1992 for causing a variety of health problems. Processing greatly alters the nutritional value of the food ingredients. Veterinarian R. L. Wysong states in Rationale for Animal Nutrition: Processing is the wild card in nutritional value that is, by and large, simply ignored. Heating, freezing, dehydrating, canning, extruding, pelleting, baking and so forth, are so commonplace that they are simply thought of as synonymous with food itself. Because the ingredients that pet food companies use are not wholesome, and harsh manufacturing practices destroy what little nutritional value the food may have had in the first place, the final product must be fortified with vitamins and minerals. Questionable Nutrition How, then, can any pet food be guaranteed to be 100 percent complete or nutritionally adequate? As long as it meets the AAFCO minimum standards, such a guarantee can be on the label. Yet in 1994, feed tests conducted by the New York State Agriculture Department showed 7 percent of all pet foods analyzed failed chemical analyses for guaranteed nutrients. Other states report similar findings, with failure of analyzed feed ranging from to 12 percent. Even if a pet food meets AAFCO standards, certain nutritional requirements (for example, lysine) can vary between species by as much as seven-fold. Although manufacturers clam that millions of companion animals can thrive on a diet consisting of nothing by commercial pet food, research and an increasing number of veterinarians implicate processed pet food as a source of disease or as an exacerbating agent for a number of degenerative diseases. For example, kidney disease is on of the top three killers of companion animals. According to Plechner, the extra protein and harsh ingredients of many pet foods place an overload on the kidneys. Left untreated, the toxic buildup leads to vomiting, loss of appetite, uremic poisoning, and death. Wysong adds, In the last few years, large statistical studies have shown the link between the diet (of processed foods) and a variety of degenerative diseases, including cancer, heart disease, allergies, arthritis, obesity, dental disease, etc. After extensive research, the Animal Protection Institute (API) published a Pet Food Investigative Report to educate companion animal care givers about pet food ingredients, ingredient definitions, labeling, and dietary ailments resulting from processed commercial pet food, including the most commonly know brands. Yet, whether such food is purchased at the supermarket, pet store, or from a veterinarian, it makes little difference in terms of the quality -- only in the cost. Since the report was published earlier this year, API has conducted more research on holistic pet care and pet food alternatives, but still claims that the vast majority of pet foods available on the market today provide less that optimum nutrition for companion animals. It is sad to think that the food provided by animal care givers to their four-legged friends could be hazardous to the animals'; health and longevity. Care givers should assume responsibility for providing as healthful a diet as possible for the animals in the care. Consumers should be informed: speak with a holistic practitioner or herbalist, or consult your veterinarian (but be aware that a veterinarian's knowledge of nutrition may be limited to the two weeks of nutrition he or she had veterinary school 20 years ago). Although the ideal solution would be for companion animals to be fed only wholesome homemade and/or vegetarian diets, this is not an optician for everyone -- the cost and time commitment is sometimes prohibitive. By taking more moderate steps, however, care givers can still greatly improve companion animals' diet and quality of life. EDIT: On Carin Rennings page she lists recommended diets... she really researched them and its really helpful....go check it out..smile EDIT EDIT: sorry but it is still happening to the person that said its not... when I did my research I asked around and found out that the people that picked up the dead pets from the vets offices that did not want a private creamation actually had a company come in and pick the bodies up...really sick...valley protien I think was the name of the company... I am not just trying to "SCARE" people ...here is more proof....read this article JUST WRITTEN!! and see for yourself whats in your pet foods!! http://www.petfoodreport.com/aboutpetfood.htm#ingredients Edit: as far as ill timing and such... I think its just the right time!! people need to open their eyes...so sorry you 2 feel that way...smile http://www.api4animals.org/facts.php?p=359&more=1

Pom puppy has worms!? we just got an 8 week old pom puppy friday and found out she has intestinal worms. i know there are medicines at the vet and pet store for worms, but i was wondering if there are any natural home remedies that i could try instead of putting harsh chemicals into my puppy's system.

we ruin nature in animals what u think? i browse through all these questions on animals and i wonder how did dogs survive in the wild? Where did all this knowledge come from with breeding dogs/cats? How did they treat thierselves when they became ill? Are we being ripped off from all of the medicines and treatments they have for dogs? Dogs dont need outfits why do we allow the stores to sucker us into buying clothes? Who made up house pets? Are tiny tea-cups/miniatures man-made- Is that why they cant uphold thier natural purposes like being able to survive in the cold weather? I had this discussion with my boyfriend and it made sense to me, he think i baby my poms too much. But I still understood his point because how did they make it w/o humans input?

OVERSEAS: Cookie, my dog, is dying and I AM FREAKING OUT! please advice? Overseas...I'm freaking out about my best friend...Cookie. He is nine years old and has Pneumonia. Can a dog die from this, and at his age? Can he be saved? He's on medicine...but I can't read what kind. I'm terrified. I will be one of those people that go nuts when....no, if their pet passes away. NO! Please any advice for Pneumonia, natural cures...anything! I'm not near a vet with technology and he refuses and physcially cannot travel. I HATE THIS FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS! I want some darn control right now! What to do? I am certifiably freaking out! He's all I got. All friends back home moved on and so it's not like I have friends anymore...my family is just F*CKED up and NO he's not JUST A DOG. He is my best...bestest friend. We traveled the world together (everywhere there is no quaranteen). PLEASE-ANYONE? Is he going to die? Is this what this all means? I read Pneumonia with dogs online--and I'm freaking out! IF and I mean IF IF IF he passes....WHATEVER...does anyone have information on how to...I HATE THIS...any information regarding bringing him back home? If he..well if anything happens here...can I certain services done, such as cremation and placed in a locket or something...I DONT' KNOW...but can I bring him home? Alive or....well, regardless...I won't leave here if he can't. I am freaking out....is anyone out there that adores thier dog so much and thier best friend...passed? What am I going to do? I never have been in this situation...I don't know what to do...I don't know anything but I want him to be okay! PLEASE????? IF and I mean IF IF IF he passes....WHATEVER...does anyone have information on how to...I HATE THIS...any information regarding bringing him back home? If he..well if anything happens here...can I certain services done, such as cremation and placed in a locket or something...I DONT' KNOW...but can I bring him home? Alive or....well, regardless...I won't leave here if he can't. I am freaking out....is anyone out there that adores thier dog so much and thier best friend...passed? What am I going to do? I never have been in this situation...I don't know what to do...I don't know anything but I want him to be okay! PLEASE?????

Is this the longest joke in the world? If not, please post it.?

blondes are smart!? Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney? A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home. Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'... Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra? A: Spot. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK". Q: What does a blonde Owl say? A: What, what? Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes? A: The back of her head. Q: What did the Dumb Blonde do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17's) rating? A: Went home and got 16 friends. Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel? A: An air bag. Q: How do you tell if a blonde writes Mysteries? A: She's got a checkbook. Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde? A: There's a stamp on it. Play Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags on your dumb blonde friends (or anyone else for that matter) :-) Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: Threw it off a cliff. Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs? A: Keep breakin em' with hammers. Q: What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's? A: A blonde serves more people in a night. Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers? A: Her IQ goes up. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide. Q: What's the guaranteed method to totally confuse a Blonde Man? A: Ask him to alphabetise a King-size bag of M&Ms. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head? A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head? A: A Space Invader. Q: What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a supermarket trolley? A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook? A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block. Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer. Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group? A: Air Supply. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold? A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on top of her. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide and seek champion. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say? A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I? Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello" Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease? A: It only affects the brain. Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde? A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats... Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? A: Double-dumb. Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries? A: Under "Home Improvements." Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center? A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics. Q: What is foreplay for a blonde? A: 30 mins of begging. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board? A: It's quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board. Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground? A: An air mattress. Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you? A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS? A: Lipstick. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Mercedes? A: You don't lend the Merc out to your friend. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter. Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One. Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance? A: 144 blondes. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings? A: Tell them a joke on Friday night. Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Well...Like, I dunno! Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and the Yeti? A: Yeti has been spotted. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: For throwing out the W's. Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican? A: Retardo. Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning? A: It swells at night. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way. Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week? A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday. It's with great sadness that I tell you my blonde girlfriend burned her nose last night....she was bobbing for french fries... 1. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-****'ll-doooo." 2. Q: What is the best secretary in the world to have? A: The one that never misses a period. 3. Q: What do blondes say after sex? A: "Thanks, guys!". 4.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and The Titanic? A: They know how many men went down on The Titanic. 5. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast? A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic. 6. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Duke only 'had' Ten Thousand men. 7. Q: How does a horny guy spell relief? A: B-L-O-N-D-E. 9. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? A: Because she got an F in sex. 10. Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common? A: Both contain a cockpit 12. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a blow-up Doll? A: Around 2 cans of hair spray. 13. Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp? A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way. 14. Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks? A: Cos she's been laid all over the country. 16. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer? A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet. 17. Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blondes? A: Cos both are steamy and wet on entry, and hey, they don't mind if you bring friends. 18.Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe. 19. Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde? A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking. 21. Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9? A: A 69 interrupted by a period. 23. Q: What's a blondes favorite Nursery Rhyme? A: HumpMe DumpMe. 25. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A: Cuz everyone gets a turn. 28. Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard? A: Grade 4. 29. Q: Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a Coppers Horse? A: So she won't sh*t on the street during a rally. 33. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door. 34. Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian? A: Well, she kept having affairs with men. 35. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. 37. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10? A: She picks up her purse and goes home. 38. Q: When visiting Scotland, what is a Blonde's favorite destination? A: Silicon Glen 39. Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. 40. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. 41. Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex? A: A bus shelter. 43. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? A: From dating blonde men. 44. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine? A: They both drip when they're fucked. 45. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!? 46. Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt? A: **** Go In Front. 47. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend? A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead. 48. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper? A: So she could lip read. 51. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? A: They've both swallowed a lot of seamen. 52. Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex? A: Their Mommies told em never to speak to strangers. 53. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde? A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week! 54. Q: What do a 250cc Scooter and a blonde have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one 55. Q: What's the difference between a blonde on her back and a turtle on it's back? A: Absolutely Nothing - both are totally screwed! 58. Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees? A: Come. 60. Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common? A: Simply scratch the box to win. 61. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. 62. It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down... 63. It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a ***** will screw anyone but you... 64. It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful... 65. Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology? A: She'll blow your mind, too. 66. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo? A: Well, not everybody's went to town in a limo! 67. Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin? A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus 68. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets. 69. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant? A: She blew it both times. 70. Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right? A: As if they've ever met! 71. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS? A: A know-it-all *****. 72. Q: What do blonde's do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants. 73. Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. 74. Q: What's the link between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? A: Both get screwed on the front of a Ford Fiesta. 6. Q: What nickname is most used by blonde's in order to boost their popularity? A: B.J. 77. Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...? A: A blonde doing cartwheels. 78. Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your refridgerator? A: There's lipstick on your cucumbers/courgette/zuchini. 79. Q: What's a 68 to a blonde? A: It's where she goes down on you and you owe her one. 80. Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties? A: Clitty litter. 81. Q: Why is it that Blonde's always get confused in the Ladies rest room? A: Well, it's cost they gotta pull their own pants down... 82. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts? A: Because their balls would show. 83. Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q of 100? A: A foursome. 85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office? A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces. 86. Q: What is a bellybutton for? A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down. 89. Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. 90. Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom? A: To keep the swelling down. 91. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank? A: Her employer found that she was embezzling. 92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job? A: Your job still sucks after 6 months. 94. Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails? A: A ******** with handlebars. 95. Q: What did the blonde say during a xxx flick? A: "Hey fellas, Look! There I am!" 96. Q: How does a blond prepare for safe sex? A: She puts on rubber based lipstick. 98. Q: What does XXX stand for? A: Blondes co-signing a note. 99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home? A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set. 100. Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball? A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball. 101. Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size? A: Silicone chips. She was so blonde that... She thought a quarterback was a refund. She managed to trip over my cordless phone. On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'. She sent me a fax with a stamp on it. She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk". She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept. When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night. She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate" She got stabbed in a Shoot out. She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved. She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools. When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!" She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate". She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind. She tried to drown a fish. If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change. She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl. It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store. They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: "Grape or Cherry?" She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats. She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company. She tried to drown a fish. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy' Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home? A: She moved. Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty? A: A blonde parade. Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre? A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps. Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces. A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces." Q: What do you call a Smart blonde? A: A Golden Retriever. Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? A: Perri-Air. Q: Why did God create blondes? A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: Both are completely empty from the neck up. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words? A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries. Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane? A: Hide her Hair Dryer. Q: How do blonde braincells die? A: alone. Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house? A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV" Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.) Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day? A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat". Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus? A: A visitor. A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet." So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!" --------------------------------------... This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies, "Yes." He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats." --------------------------------------... Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks." The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. --------------------------------------... Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down." --------------------------------------... How do you keep a blonde busy for hours? Scroll Down. ---> <----- Scroll Up. --------------------------------------... A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I'm really a blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken." --------------------------------------... As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" --------------------------------------... I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton --------------------------------------... A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari." --------------------------------------... Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any," replied the first blonde. "Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden. "But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?" --------------------------------------... A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box." --------------------------------------... ICE FISHING A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing. For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit. When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!" Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again. "There are no fish under the ice!!" Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?" The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!" --------------------------------------... This one qualifies as a hilarious blonde joke! It is the best. A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened. Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!! --------------------------------------... A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions. On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?" The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?" The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?" The blonde responded, "20, right?" Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?" "3?" said the blonde. The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" --------------------------------------... A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, "Meow." The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, "Woof." The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She say in her sweetest voice, "Potato." --------------------------------------... There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn't let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping. --------------------------------------... A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep. You dont have to read all of them!

Dumb and Funny Warning Labels On Products? Liquid Plummer Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages. Windex Do not spray in eyes. Toilet Plunger Caution: Do not use near power lines. Dremel Electric Rotary Tool This product not intended for use as a dental drill. Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter Safe to use around pets. Bowl Fresh Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet. Endust Duster This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances. Baby Oil Keep out of reach of children Little Ones Baby Lotion Keep away from children Hair Coloring Do not use as an ice cream topping. Wet-Nap Directions: Tear open packet and use. Dial Soap Directions: Use like regular soap. Stridex Foaming Face Wash May contain foam. Hairdryer: Do not use while taking a shower. Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant Use only on underarms. Zantac 75 Do not take if allergic to zantac. Sleeping Pills Warning: May cause Drowsiness Christmas Lights Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only. Bic Lighter Ignite lighter away from face. Komatsu Floodlight This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark Fire Extinguisher: Caution: Non-Flamable Earplugs These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe Mattress Warning: Do not attempt to swallow Matches Caution: Contents may catch fire. Pepper Spray Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes. Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition. Fix-a-Flat WARNING: Do not weld can to rim. Rain Gauge Suitable for outdoor use. RCA Television Remote Control Not Dishwasher Safe Pine Mountain Fire Logs Caution: Risk of fire Triops Fish Food Warning: Not for human consumption Home Depot Treated Lumber Do not consume Hair Dryer Warning: Do not use while sleeping. Road Sign Caution water on road during rain. Camera This camera will only work when film is inside. Road Sign Cemetery Road. Dead End Church Parking Lot Sign Thou shalt not park Children's Superman Costume Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. Silk Soy Milk Shake well and buy often Air Conditioner Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows. Rowenta Iron Warning: Never iron clothes on the body. Slush Puppy Cup This ice may be cold American Airlines Peanuts Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Nabisco Easy Cheese For best results, remove cap. Swanson TV Dinners This product must be cooked before eating. Hershey's Almond Bar Warning: May contain traces of nuts Heinz Ketchup Instructions: Put on food 500-piece puzzle: Some assembly required. Beach Ball CAUTION: It is not a life saving device. Chainsaw Do not attempt to stop chain with hands. Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. Bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. Bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. Hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. Packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness. String of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists: Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you New Zealand insect spray: This product not tested on animals. Blanket from taiwan: not to be used as protection from a tornado Cardboard windshield sun shade: Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place. Infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship. Disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake. Bottle of shampoo for dogs Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish. Curling Iron Warning: This product can burn eyes. Hair Dryer Do not use in shower. Hair Dryer Do not use while sleeping. Hand-held Massaging Device Do not use while sleeping or unconscious. Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. Do not place this product into any electronic equipment. A toilet at a public sports facility Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking. Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover. Container of Underarm Deodorant. Caution: Do not spray in eyes. Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter. Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks. Toner cartridge for a laser printer Do not eat toner. 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow Not intended for highway use. Can of self-defense pepper spray. May irritate eyes. Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock" Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth. A frisbee Warning: May contain small parts. A toilet bowl cleaning brush. Do not use orally. A birthday card for a 1 year old. Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less. Heated seat cushion Warning: Do not use on eyes. Microwave Oven: Do not use for drying pets. Electric Cattle Prod For use on animals only. Can of air freshener. For use by trained personnel only. Silly Putty Do not use as ear plugs. Knife sharpening stone Warning: knives are sharp! Deodorant Do not use intimately. Rat Poison Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice. Portable stroller Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage. Dashboard of a mail truck Look before driving. Children's cough medicine Do not drive car or operate machinery. Sign at a railroad station Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. Bottom of a supermarket dessert box Do not turn upside down. Package of dice. Not for human consumption. Bottled Drink: Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth. Shipment of hammers May be harmful if swallowed. Manual for an SGI computer. Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers. Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death. Electric Thermometer. Do not use orally after using rectally. Packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. Turn off motor before using this product. 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame Not to be used as a personal flotation device. Box of bottle rockets Do not put in mouth. Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack Remove plastic before eating. Box for a car jack For lifting purposes only. Instructions for a cordless phone: Do not put lit candles on phone. Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean Do not drive cars in ocean. Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert Always drive on roads. Not on people. Bus Stop No stopping or standing. Church Sign These rows reserved for parents with children. Bag of Fritos You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. Credit card statement. Payment is due by the due date. Laundromat triple washer No small children. Sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building Take care: new non-slip surface. Box of Pills Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone. Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11 Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat. Can of black pepper. Instructions: usage known. Bag of cat biscuits Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants. Car Manual In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors. Espresso Kettle The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position. T.V. manual Do not pour liquids into your television set. Label on a hammer Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object VCR box Instructional video on hooking up VCR included. Toilet brush Do not use for personal hygiene. Black rubber fishing worm Not for human consumption. Orange Juice Can: 100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate. Depend Adult Diapers Step into underwear and pull them on just like regular underwear. Furniture Wipes Do not use for a baby wipe. Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet This is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision. Lawnmower Warning: When Motor Is Running - The Blade Is Turning Instructions on the bottom of a grocery store pizza Do not turn upside down. Bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle Do not open here. Bottle of bathtub cleaner For best results, start with clean bathtub before use. Container of lighter fluid WARNING: Contents flammable! Box of household nails CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation! Microwave popcorn, packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it Direction #1: Remove plastic. Drink bottle label Do not peel label off. Woolite carpet cleaner Safe for carpets, too! Box of Frosted Cheerio's The logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here." Sterno Do not use near fire or flame. Container of salt Warning: High in sodium Hose Nozzle Do not spray into electrical outlet.